Tuesday, November 25, 2008

When Is It Over?

I'm not much for country music (truth be told that's a wee bit of an understatement), but whoever wrote that exes live in Texas song was on to something. If I could lump all these special people from my past in one special spot. . .I'd make it somewhere hot and arid too. Only I'd make sure they also didn't have phone or internet access. That way they couldn't happen upon perfectly good days and ruin them for me.

Really, is it too much to ask that 2 years after a break-up the other party might move on. . .finally!? Apparently the answer to that one is yes, it's far too much to ask. Upon finding out that I am actively trying to work out my differences with my current SO, and still planning on moving to the North (my dream since back when I was with the ex), my ex decided to put on his special @ss hat today and take me to task about my life. MY LIFE! Apparently he feels like he should have a say in any and all decisions I make about my personal life; where I live, whether I go back to school or not, and even WHO I live with, needs to be discussed with him before even preliminary decisions are made. Seriously! You'd think if he was so interested in calling the shots in life he'd go out and get one of his own. . .get a job maybe, stop living with his Grandma, date other women. . .it's only been 2 years.

Granted we have 2 beautiful children together, and yes, he has been given every opportunity to participate in decisions which directly affect his childrens lives. Even when he's made some very horrible decisions which landed said beautiful children in the hospital. Still, there are some things that while affecting his children; are just none of his business! Primarily those related to my own schooling and love life. Unless he can demonstrate to me that these choices are in some way going to place the kids directly in harm's way. . . .then why exactly should I be obliged to include him in my decision making process?

As far as the whole moving issue goes, I can see why he'd be upset. I can sympathize, really, but the fact remains . . . .it's what I want. With 2 teenagers at issue here, it's not unreasonable to think they would be able to fly home to see Dad for extended periods of time. Most notably in the summer months. When told of this option the ex was notably unimpressed as "he can't afford airfare", not that anyone said he'd have to pay. . but a JOB might help in this respect. Since the moving topic is something we're still working out as a family (and by family I mean the people who actually live in our house) it would have been nice if he'd waited to over-react to this issue when a decision had potentially been reached.

Oh, and did I mention that all this wonderful discussion of whether I have a right to make my own decisions came about because he decided to snoop through my Facebook profile? A profile which he is not able to see as he does not have his own account there, and can only see by having another of his relatives access my page for him. Yes . . there's nothing quite like knowing your ex is still maintaining a stalker-like vigil over the inner workings of your life and that of your friends! So. . .on the off chance he should stalk his way over to my blog here in hopes of gleaning more ammo in the war on freedom. . . . .MOVE ON ALREADY! IT'S OVER!

I think that's clear enough. . .then again I thought it was clear enough 2 years ago when he moved out of the house. . . .sigh.


michelle said...

Oh lady, they never get it, you know I'm in the same boat :(
Sorry he ruined your day

Melissa said...

Yeah I know, it's just kind of crappy that I would still have to take his controlling tendencies into account at this stage of the game. I should be able to post whatever I like on Facebook and not have him spying on my life. And yeah I know you totally get it coz of what you go through with your ex. So yeah. . .arid wasteland anyone ????

michelle said...

yep control freaks are sooo much fun..........NOT :( It's ridiculous how men can think they should have control over your life even after you've been separated for close to 4 years

Mrs. Mommy said...

He's not wearing an ass hat. he IS an an ass hat! He needs to grow up and act like a grown man. Apparently it's a genetic flaw or something.
As for family snooping on his behalf, are you really suprised? If I were you I'd delete any and all members of that demented tribe off your profile. They are about the same really. Nosy nosy nosy!!
Sorry you have to deal wth that.. exes suck don't they?